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Posted September 30, Reviewed by Lybi Ma. People have various preferences for the characteristics they want in a partner.
10 people reveal how they evolved their hookups into serious relationships
They also differ in their goals for a relationship. Individuals have different reasons for having sextoo. Nevertheless, they attempt to get what they want through one of two basic strategies—long-term mating e. In older times, there was often a greater distinction in the dating behaviors that led down one relationship path or the other, such as courtship or going steady.
At present, though, the picture has become more blurry.
Specifically, many people wonder whether hooking up and getting sexual with someone they are just getting to know is the only modern dating option — even when they may want a long-term partner, rather than just non-committal sex. Nevertheless, this modern sex-before-relationship approach may not be right for everyone.
So, should you hook up? Will you be happy with the choice? Will it get you the type of relationship you desire? Let's look at what the research has to say.
An article by Vrangalova investigated whether casual sex harmed well-being in a college student population. The study surveyed undergraduate students over the course of an academic year, exploring whether their choices to experience or not experience casual genital hookups led to changes in their levels of self-esteemdepressionanxietyand physical symptoms.
Sex essential re
Furthermore, Vrangalova looked at the various motivations each participant had for hooking up, if they had chosen to do so, according to the following :. Nevertheless, indicated that individuals who hooked up due to non-autonomous reasons controlled, amotivational, or relational reasons had decreased well-being when compared to those who did not hook up — and compared to those who did hook up motivated by a personal and positive desire.
Given thoseit appears that the choice of whether or not to engage in casual sexual behavior should best be made by listening to one's own internal motivations and preferences. Those who are intrinsically and genuinely motivated to have casual hookup experiences do not seem to have negative effects.
12 people explain how their hookup buddy became a serious partner
In contrast, those who are not naturally and intrinsically inclined to casual sexual activity, but hook up anyway because they feel externally pressured, coerced, motivated to reduce negative feelings, or expect a later relationship to occurmay experience decreased well-being from such activity. How can an individual tell whether they are truly willing and interested in hooking up then? According to a measure developed by Simpson and Gangestad individual willingness to engage in such uncommitted sexual relationships, called Sociosexualitycan be evaluated along a single dimension.
On one hand, individuals can be Sociosexually Unrestrictedindicating a personal inclination toward more uncommitted sex and more sexual partners—or they fall more toward being Sociosexually Restrictedwith an inclination toward committed sex with fewer partners. This distinction was further elaborated by Penke and Asendorpfwho noted three components of Sociosexuality:. Penke and Asendorpf also noted a of differences, based on those sociosexual domains.
Males were generally less restricted in sociosexual attitudes and desires compared to females, although overall behavior was equal. Less restricted sociosexuality was related to having a higher of prior sex partners, having short-term mating interests, being thrill-seekingbeing unfaithful, and perceiving that they were a more valuable mate. Those with less restricted sociosexuality were also more flirtatious, more likely to be single, more likely to end a relationship and find a new partner, and had more sex partners over a one year period.
Overall, likely because of these differences in relationship styles, partners tended to be similar in their level of sociosexuality, especially in the attitude component. By and large, then, restricted individuals tended to form long-term and committed relationships together — while unrestricted individuals hooked up together in shorter-term and uncommitted flings. Much like other sexual orientations, sociosexuality appears to have a genetic and biological component as well. In a twin-study by Bailey, Kirk, Zhu, Dunne, and Martinthe authors found a ificant genetic contribution determining sociosexual behavior, over and above situational influences.
As noted above, this may be why individuals who are externally influenced toward hooking up, against their intrinsic and internally-motivated interests, experience negative reactions too. Given the above, the choice to have uncommitted sex or not will mostly depend on your innate and personal sociosexual orientation, as well as whether you have short-term or long-term relationship goals for your future love life.
Dating, hanging out, or hooking up: your values - your decisions
For individuals who are inclined toward hookups as exciting, desire greater variety in their sexual partners, and want sex for a variety of reasonsshort-term and less committed interactions may be satisfying. In contrast, those who require emotional closeness and prefer long-term relationships are often better served by finding partners willing to commit and then enjoying sex after such commitment. Beyond those two options, feeling pressured toward something you do not like, or trying to switch from one strategy to another, appears to be before satisfying.
Despite what it may look hook on TV, movies, and the internet, everyone is not hooking up — and you will not miss out on a relationship if you wait for a commitment. In fact, as noted in the above, people tend to largely match up on whether they want long-term or short-term relationships.
Therefore, by picking a long-term or short-term strategy and sticking with it, you will be more likely to get the type of relationship you want. Overall, if you are not genuinely interested in having casual sexual interactions, then do not feel obligated to hookup and hope it relationships into a relationship. Instead, look for someone interested in committing, build a connection and trust with themand then have things get sexual when you are ready.
11 things you need to do before hooking up with someone
However, if you prefer more casual sexual interactions and decide that is how you would like to spend your love life, then enjoy those shorter-term relationships instead. Nicholson, M. All rights reserved. Bailey, J. Do individual differences in sociosexuality represent genetic or environmentally contingent strategies? Evidence from the Australian twin registry. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78 3 Penke, L.
Beyond global sociosexual orientations: a more differentiated look at sociosexuality and its effects on courtship and romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95 5 Simpson, J. Individual differences in sociosexuality: evidence for convergent and discriminant validity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60 6 Vrangalova, Z. A longitudinal investigation of the role of motivation.
11 things you need to do before hooking up with someone
Archives of Sexual Behavior, 44 4 Jeremy Nicholson, M. Jeremy Nicholson M. The Attraction Doctor. Is sex without commitment flings, friends with benefits a good choice for you?
Sex Essential Re. References Bailey, J. About the Author. Online: Facebook.
Is sex without commitment (flings, friends with benefits) a good choice for you?
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