I broke up with my first girlfriend of 2 years last night; did I do the right thing? I thought she was beautiful, and I had never dated before. We started dating 6 months before I graduated, she is 20 now and I am 19 we both lost our virginity to each other. What developed initially from a typical horney adolescent relationship turned into something strong and with actual integrity. She confides in me for almost anything she has to say, and we can talk to each other about pretty much anything.
She has a lengthy dysfunctional family history, which she is currently seeing a therapist for. I think to some extent she finds stability with me for that reason. There is not a day that goes by where I doubt she loves me unconditionally, faults and everything. Most days we get along great. We have a great chemistry and sometimes bicker at each other like we are some old couple.
I can also make her laugh, which was a big confidence booster when I first met her. Although she never said she would marry me, she has told me she believes I am the person she is supposed to be with.
Now for the negative stuff. The longer we have been together, the more I have an anxiety about whether I should be focusing on this relationship at this point in my life, and I started to realize all of the faults we have. For instance, when it comes to movies, music she likes the more bubblegum shallow stuff justin beiber,which is fine and I realize nothing to break up over.
But my interests are a lot deeper and passionate when it comes to movies and music. She is very extroverted, very chatty and deals with her problems by talking them over with someone.
But I am more introverted and feel better when I go over my problems internally. It frustrates me when I would rather enjoy my own thoughts. Other things worth noting: She can be very emotional and irrational at times. Although she works very hard, she is not very good with money. She has a maxed out credit card from buying a vehicle with it and owes money to several family member and myself for bad decisions she made in the past.
As trite as that sounds.
So I broke up with her last night. It killed, and now I have this awful sense of guilt. It just sucks that I have hurt her so much, we were so close personally. A part of me regrets it. But again, how am I supposed to know I am with the right person if I have never been in another relationship before? If breaking up was the right thing to do, why do I feel so terrible about it, and was it even the right thing to do?
Or am I just being naive, letting a few nagging doubts ruin an overall good relationship? I think what really caused my anxiety was I am not sure what I am doing with my life at this point. Although I have never really liked going out much, I feel like I should be going out at my age. I thought by breaking up with her would help me clear my head and figure things out, but so far it has just made me feel more depressed about everything.
But at the same time, I feel like I need to be able to be happy with myself before I can be in a functional relationship with someone else.
I really appreciate the AskMefi community for their great responses, and thought this would be the best place to put this Thanks. You pretty much said this yourself You don't know who you are or what you're doing. You're young. This is part of being young. Is it the right thing? I don't think any of us are able to say, but the chances of a first relationship lasting the test of time is pretty slim. I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to go forth and explore yourself, your likes, dislikes and everything in between. Cut yourself some slack. You probably made the right choice.
You made the right, but tough choice or 2. You need more time to sort out what your relationship means, the guilt will help you reflect on that and this is part of the pain process that will help you get through it. I really recommend you find a friendly ear to share this with - because you need some honest feedback here - and if the anxiety is too serious, consider talking to a therapist.
But before you jump to that, know this is part of the process. There is rarely a breakup which in either party feeling awesome about it right away. Even when it is the right decision i. Hang in there.
This is the 'cloud before the clear,' so to speak. It might take a few days, but you'll have a better perspective on this with time - and you'll know then. Also seconding FlamingBore - make sure, no matter how much you're pressed to say 'Yes, there's a chance we can get back together,' do not say that! Say something like: 'I just don't know right now - I'm really sorry, this isn't easy for me either.
I know it's hard for you, too. Is there someone you can talk to? I know a few first relationships that survived met in college and we're all in our thirties now and these couples are married, so that's what I'm calling surviving. In these cases, the couple kind of grew up together.
This is the time to go and look for what you really want, who you really are. You have SO much time. You did the right thing and your post doesn't seem at all unkind to your girlfriend. Good luck. This is a really common situation, so don't beat yourself up too much about it.
The 11 definitive s you should break up with your girlfriend and move on with your life
Breaking up and experimenting with other possibilities is a legitimate choice, even if the way you rationalize it to her and do yourself doesn't completely make sense. What you ought to try to do is own your decision. You did this because it's what you wanted, and not because your former girlfriend is flawed in some way. Her enjoyment of fluffy music is not a flaw. Her chattiness is not a flaw.
If you were ready for a committed relationship then those things might not matter much at all; they might even charm you.
But you're not ready for that, and that's okay even though it hurts you and her both. Don't go down this path of listing her weaknesses as if they made your decision for you; that would be both dishonest and cruel. This is such a typical scenario as to be a rite of passage. Congratulations, you basically broke up with your HS girlfriend to go to college.
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It's a prudent choice. Now you're there and you should take the confidence you achieved with her and throw yourself into enjoying the full uni experience.
Best answer: You are nineteen years old and have been, and for some time longer, will be spending a good portion of your life asking yourself "what the fuck is going on? What did I do? Did I do the right thing? Did I fuck up and ruin everything? Try to ignore that confused, unsure part of your brain that tries to make you second-guess everything you did, and trust in yourself. It's not easy, but god-damn is it ever worth it. You just did something that many people will never do, for better or worse but usually for worse.
And it hurts and it's going to hurt whether it was the right thing or the wrong thing to do. Your pain is indicative of the fact that you two have a deep, intense, emotional connection, but it says nothing about whether that connection is viable.
Whether you two, together as a couple, is something that needs to be. And by what you're telling us, it sounds like it doesn't.
Final thoughts
It's wrong to be in a relationship for someone else. If you're not in it, if you don't want to be in it, you need to get out. And you did. This isn't about conflicting taste in music or being awkward around her family. Chances these things might not go away even when you find the young lady of your dreams, so hang tight. This is about you not wanting to be in a relationship. And, as an adult, you do not have to do anything you don't want to do.
You can stop eating and breathing if you wanted to. You're a free man. Obviously, you want to eat and breathe, but you don't want to be in this relationship. So you stepped up and got out of it. And you hurt someone you love and that hurts you and that's okay.
