My life is going well, I like what I do, and I have a good group of friends that I spend time with on the regular.
A first-of-it’s-kind question landed in my inbox a few days ago…
I was thinking of reaching out to a female acquaintance of mine and asking her if she would be down to cuddle with me periodically in a legitimately non-sexual way. I mean, yes, there are definitely weird ways that you could go about asking for your cuddle request to be met, but the intention of wanting to cuddle with someone is totally normal, healthy, and great.
Hence, why I felt compelled to write this article. Human beings are a social species, therefore we were made to connect with each other. And one of the main ways that we connect to each other is through physical contact. Cuddling balances your immune system. It releases tons of oxytocin aka the connection hormone that bonds people naturally and dopamine aka the happy chemical.
It reduces pain and tightness in your muscles.
It reduces stress, social anxiety, and lowers your blood pressure and your risk of heart disease. Just trust me. I researched it all. Health benefits galore. Cuddling feels good for a reason. So how exactly do you go about asking someone to cuddle with you without it being weird? Believe me, this necessary pit-stop is worth it. The second conversation is about what exactly it is that you are looking for from your cuddle buddy arrangement.
Do you think that this is a weird thing to want? Is cuddling normal, healthy, and great? Get comfortable with how you feel about making the request first… and remember, there is nothing strange about wanting physical intimacy with someone in or outside of an intimate relationship.
You are allowed to want to cuddle. And the second conversation to have with yourself starts, and ends, with this question:. Do you want a one-time cuddle? A semi-regular cuddle buddy like once per week? Do you want the cuddling to be fully clothed? Will kissing be allowed? If so, is kissing on the lips only allowed or just on the body? With music or no music?
On a bed or on a couch? You get the drill.
Dig into your desires. What is your ideal, best case scenario?
Your session is about to expire!
What is your authentic desire in terms of your ideal cuddle setup? Sit with that until it becomes quite clear for you, and feel free to write it down somewhere to make it more concrete. But for now, just check in with yourself, and get your best case scenario down in writing. Asking for our needs to be met in any kind of a relationship can be nerve-racking.
Filtered through my personal biases, here are the top five places that I think you should search for your potential cuddle buddies. Friends are great. You might be surprised at their reaction. Similar to the acquaintances, but with a bit of a sexual charge either back then, or still today. Maybe you bumped into each other at a club years ago… or you matched on OKCupid or Tinder and it fizzled out… or you were both always dating other people whenever one of you happened to be single.
Whatever your history with your old crushes, this might be the perfect opportunity to resurrect their name in your contacts list.
I want to cuddle, but my partner doesn’t – what should i do?
Whatever floats your boat. Take any of the three following examples, choose whichever one you like the best, and then calibrate the language to come across as more of the way that you speak.
Would that be something that sparks your interest? Let me know and we can talk details and get something in the calendar. Would you be interested in meeting up every now and then and cuddling up?
Purely platonic, and purely awesome. Let me know if that sounds fun to you and we can talk specifics. If that sounds appealing, let me know and we can set something up in the next week or so. Yay progress! Let your soon-to-be cuddle buddy about all of the things that you laid out as your ideal setup. Treat this stage as the negotiation, getting to know each other phase.
When they tell you what they would like to see happen, always remember that you have the right to say no to their requests, just as they have the right to say no to yours.
I was hoping that it would just be platonic. We might be looking for things that are too different after all. You get to dictate your side of the bargain. When in doubt, talk it out. Here are some last minute tips that might help you relax that much more into the situation. Have some drinking water nearby if you think you or your cuddle buddy will want any.
How long did you say you both wanted to cuddle for? Over time, how you feel about your cuddle buddy might shift or how they feel about you might shift. I hope that this guide was helpful for you and that you feel better prepared to go on with your cuddling adventures.
Dec 13, Solid intention! Why Cuddling Is Awesome Cuddling is the best. First, you have to have two quick conversations with yourself about it. So first, you have to have the conversation with yourself. What is it exactly that you want from your cuddle buddy? Old crushes that never went anywhere Similar to the acquaintances, but with a bit of a sexual charge either back then, or still today. Personally, I find that something short and sweet works best. Are Your Motivations Clean? Time To Cuddle!
Go to town. Enjoy your cuddle session. Take some deep breaths and settle into it.
And remember… have fun! Shifting Feelings And Using Proactive Assertiveness Over time, how you feel about your cuddle buddy might shift or how they feel about you might shift. All The Cuddles, All The Time I hope that this guide was helpful for you and that you feel better prepared to go on with your cuddling adventures. Be safe, have fun, be honest, and let that delicious oxytocin flow. Dedicated to your success, Jordan Ps.
Related See All. May 14, You have suffered. You have lived through challenging times. You have experienced invalidation in your lifetime. You have been told that you were wrong, in some way. Or in many ways. And yet, here you are. You have survived. Jul 8,